I just started Nancy Pearcey’s newest book The Toxic War on Masculinity, and I thought it would be a good idea to do a series exploring the themes of her work, summarizing some of her arguments, and putting metaphorical pen to paper on my thoughts about masculinity (By the way, a FANTASTIC page to follow on masculinity from a Christian perspective is Catholic Manhood).
I've been exploring and broadly thinking about masculinity for a couple years now. I say broadly because it hasn’t been anything profound—I haven’t been serious study on it. Instead, I’ve been exposing myself more to blogs, short posts, men’s stories, the saints, and male figures in my own life. I didn’t have a father figure growing up. Though I love my father, he was largely absent from my childhood as he was away due to the navy. Moreover, when he was present, he was emotionally absent. All I saw from him was stoicism, emotionless, and anger. Affection (physical or emotional) was few and far between, and as I explored our family history, it made sense to me as his father was also absent. My father simply didn’t know how to embody full masculinity. My dad was strong, authoritarian, he could fix cars, fix the house, but he didn’t know how to say, “I love you,” or how to cry in front of me.
The last few years have been a whirlwind of traumatic events for me, which has led me to invest in myself and my healing. Part of that motivation was also the birth of my daughter. I want to be the sort of man I would want her to marry, and I want to be a present, loving father, which I could only do if I invested in myself and in becoming the man God created to me. This path led me to ask: What is a man? What is masculinity? And how do I become the man that God made me to be?
I’m not the only one asking that question. Our gender confused, and obsessed, society has focused on trying to understand and define masculinity and femininity. Not only that, but men are attacked on tv through sitcoms, advertisements, and the media, describing men as angry, bullish, incompetent, unintelligent, and useless. Men are then at a loss: they feel angry from the constant attacks, and because they do not know how to cope or deal with it, they lash out, leading to the self-fulfilling prophecy of man as toxic—the label encompassing some of the attributes used to attack men.
This book, then, is timely. Hopefully this series will help you along your own journey with thinking about and embodying true masculinity.